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See It All In the Crystal Ball

Count yours-truly among those who have always had a fascination for the mystical art. I mean, who wouldn’t want to know what the future may hold?

Two Psychics meet on the street ... one looks at the other and says “You’re fine, how am I?"

Did you hear about the psychic midget who escaped from jail? The headline read: “Small Medium at Large." 

How about the guy who almost had a psychic girlfriend. It seems, she knew it wouldn’t work out, so she broke up with him before they met. 

Okay, so there’s no shortage of psychic jokes, but for true believers, they don’t seem all that funny. Count yours-truly among those who have always had a fascination for the mystical art. I mean, who wouldn’t want to know what the future may hold?

I recently had occasion to rummage through some old papers, in the hope of actually creating a clean spot which, no doubt, I would then use to store newer old-papers. 

Among the bills, junk mail and whatnot, I came across some notes which I had taken during a foray into the unknown, at the hands of a psychic reader, many years ago.

I assume that I was prompted to save the notes for all these years so that I might refer to them to cross-check that particular Psychic’s track-record. Of course, I never did. That is, not until now.

The yellowed paper was littered with peace signs and several pronouncements that “Hendrix rocks!” leading me to believe that the reading took place in the late 60‘s, during my self-indulgent teenage years. Among the doodles were hastily scrawled snippets of information, which I assume were nothing less than cosmic revelations of future events.

Sadly, the psychic’s promise of “you will come into money” is apparently still pending, even after all this time. Ditto for her premonition that “you will live in a large house overlooking water,” unless you consider a split-level large and unless you classify the pool of rainwater, that tends to form in the backyard after a downpour, as a lake.

However, some predictions, though they sounded impossible at the time, have eerily come to pass. Here are a few of them, complete with my somewhat sceptical reaction to the  “heads up" information directed to yours-truly (YT) from ... well, ... from sources unknown.

Psychic: You will have color television, with hundreds of channels, but you will pay.

YT: I have colors now. I’ve got black and white and grey. And there’s hardly anything worth watching on the three channels I do get ... who needs a hundred? And, pay for TV? What are you crazy? It’s free, man.

Psychic: By the way, you’ll like HBO.

YT: I doubt it, whatever that is.

Psychic: There’ll be great advancements in medicine and everyone will be insured because they’ll pass a law that says you have to have insurance and so, you will pay. 

YT: We’ve got aspirin, what else do we need? And what happened to your employer providing insurance? And, anyway, isn’t passing a law like that, communism, or socialism or one of those ism’s? This is America, dude, it’ll never happen.

Psychic: By the way, you won’t like HMO’s.

YT: What’s that? It sounds ominous.

Psychic: Trust me, you don’t want to know.

Psychic: There’ll be economic upheaval. Prices will skyrocket. At every turn, you’ll have to pay.

YT: More than today? Did you see the price of gas? I paid 33 cents a gallon just this morning.

Psychic: By the way, don’t buy an S.U.V.

YT: It never crossed my mind. 

Psychic: Government spending will be out of control. America’s credit rating will plummet. Taxes will rise ... you’ll have to pay.

YT: Now, that one I believe.

Psychic: I’m sorry, the vision is fading. I can say no more.

YT: That’s it? Five bucks and that’s it?

Psychic: I can try again but ...

YT: ... I know, but I’ll have to pay.

Psychic: Yes! Are you sure that you don‘t have the ”gift”?

YT: Well, yes, I used to be psychic but I gave it up. I just couldn’t see any future in it.

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