The most recent example of governmental bungling to hit the news left me both amused and infuriated ... and yet somewhat in awe of the Fed’s creativity, when it comes to throwing away my hard-earned money. Apparently, over the past five years, our brain trust in Washington has paid out in excess of $600 million in retirement benefits to deceased Federal employees. Mind you, this is in addition to payments doled out to un-retired employees, who only perform as if deceased. U.S. Inspector General Patrick McFarland was the guy who discovered the financial faux pas and immediately told the Office…

The economy remains stagnant, jobs are hard to come by and the cost of … well, everything … seems to be on the rise. So, is it any wonder that only 12 percent of Americans are satisfied with our elected officials in Congress? That’s the number a New York Times/CBS News telephone poll came up with when they recently asked frustrated voters to rate the job performance of the current crop of lawmakers, which, begs the obvious question: “What were those 12 percent thinking?” The uber-partisan climate in Washington, which has hamstrung important legislation and prolonged the misery of the …

We have the “Yellow Pages,“ “White Pages,“ “Business-To-Business” directories, etc., so it’s reasonable to assume that somewhere out there is a “Book of Morons.“ You know what I mean, a list of “those” people who supposedly can’t wait to hear pre-recorded sales pitches designed to deliver “special deals,” which have been crafted specifically for them and them alone.  Now, whether this particular book actually exists or not is open to debate, but apparently there are advertising companies out there who have succeeded in convincing their clients that there is such a list and “yes, if we call …

As a result of Hurricane Irene, many of us were treated to a trip in the “way-back” machine, traveling from our cozy (or is it crazy?) 21st Century lifestyle, into a simulation of what life must have been like for many of our ancestors. No electricity, no cable TV, no fast food and (gasp) no Internet. How in the world did they survive? Thanks to Irene and the resulting power outage and minus the distraction of HBO, I had plenty of time to ponder what life must have been like, say 100 years ago.  I could only imagine how the world was in 1911 as compared to 2011 and could hardly wait to check …

“When the economy is hot, gamble ye not.” “When recession sets in, it’s not quite a sin.”  At least, not as long as the state gets a piece of the action. Recent headlines advise that the proposal to erect several gaming casinos right here in Massachusetts, the heart of Puritanism, is, once again, on the table and receiving a distinctly warmer reception than it did the last time around. Apparently, the state of Massachusetts has half-convinced itself that the sure-fire remedy, for all of it’s economic woes, is only a roll-of-the-dice away. Legislators are seemingly poised to bring the bright …

It’s really a lousy job, so why do so many people want it? No, I’m not talking about flipping burgers or wrestling gators or a litany of other unpleasant occupations. I’m talking POTUS. “The” POTUS, to be accurate. For the uninitiated, POTUS is Washington slang for President of the United States. There are often other slang words used to describe the holder of the nation’s highest office, but few of them are family-friendly, or printable, so I’ve elected not to use them. So what’s so attractive about the POTUS position anyway? Sure it has its perks, but there are some major drawbacks to the …

Two Psychics meet on the street ... one looks at the other and says “You’re fine, how am I?" Did you hear about the psychic midget who escaped from jail? The headline read: “Small Medium at Large."  How about the guy who almost had a psychic girlfriend. It seems, she knew it wouldn’t work out, so she broke up with him before they met.  Okay, so there’s no shortage of psychic jokes, but for true believers, they don’t seem all that funny. Count yours-truly among those who have always had a fascination for the mystical art. I mean, who wouldn’t want to know what the future may hold? I recently …

Hey buddy, can you spare a dime? Okay, maybe a dime isn’t enough. How about a crisp $10 bill? It’s still not much in this economy, but it’s a start. The way I figure it, if I get enough people to contribute to the cause, there’s a glimmer of hope on my financial horizon.  I know what you’re thinking: “How degrading.” Normally I’d agree with you, but I’ve noticed that those who aspire to hold, or hold-on-to, political office are doing the very same thing, albeit on a much larger scale and nobody blinks an eye.  In the early stages of political campaigns for the 2012 elections, I see the money …

While keeping an eye on the national news these past few weeks, especially the issue surrounding the debt ceiling and Congress’ inability to take care of the problem, I’ve found myself alternately infuriated, disgusted and ultimately, fatalistic about the goings-on in our nation’s capitol. “They’re going to do what they always do,” I tell myself. “What they always do,” in my opinion, is to fuel their power struggles with our money and make decisions that affect our lives with seemingly complete disregard for the consequences of their actions.  “Fire the bums!” I blurt out, not quite …

While I’ve never been a math whiz, there are a few basic principles that I’ve managed to hang on to.  For instance, I know that if you have a monthly budget of, say, $10 and you’re spending $20, you end up in a deficit situation, which is not good.  To make matters worse, you then decide to borrow $10 to pay off the deficit, ignoring the fact that not only are you still in debt to the tune of $10, but now you have to pay interest on top of that. Do this for a few years and you’ll discover why financial lenders are raking it in. Then, just to further complicate the situation, you sign an …

In the world of acronyms, my top three would have to be, in no particular order, T.G.I.F., S.N.A.F.U. and F.U.B.A.R. The first, T.G.I.F., as every working-stiff knows, stands for “Thank Goodness It’s Friday” or some variation on that theme. The other two are aimed squarely at the sometimes bizarre blunders that only our government can pull off with any regularity while still able to stay in business. Both S.N.A.F.U. (Situation Normal; All Fouled Up) and F.U.B.A.R. (Fouled Up Beyond All Recognition) were both said to have been first coined and immortalized by G.I.’s during World War II, as …

Are you kidding me? Did you happen to get a load of the new “warning labels” that our government has deemed appropriate to place on cigarette packages and tobacco advertisements? It’s like making your point with a howitzer.  Not satisfied to simply tax smokers out of existence, the feds have enlisted the help of the FDA (Food & Drug Administration) to overhaul the long-standing print warning labels which, have had little effect on curbing the smoking habit. Apparently, believing that along with a host of other dangers, smoking causes illiteracy, the FDA has switched to visual aids, in the …

Lucky me. Apparently I’ve hit the telephone directory lottery.  I assume that’s the case as my driveway was littered once again with a colorful yellow-black plastic bag, containing the remains of a once-vibrant part of our ecosystem. Sadly, the directory will probably be regulated to paper-weight duty, at best, although the bag may come in handy during one of my daily dog-walks, so I suppose it’s not a total loss. But, really, although I’m a big proponent of “free” stuff, I’m noticing lately that most of the things I receive free-of-charge are usually worth precisely what I paid, which is zip…

Supposedly, according to my parents, I’m of Scottish decent; to the tune of 1/5 of my overall heritage. This, mixed with Irish and Italian blood is what makes me who I am, which is, technically speaking, a mutt. And that’s okay. I’ve known some pretty good mutts over the years and I don’t have a problem with being in their company. Like most mutts, I suppose, I tend to tap into my DNA and pull out specific traits, depending upon the situation. When I’m feeling Scottish, I bow to the stereotype and count my pennies, ever so carefully. I try to find ways of trimming expenses, sometimes just for…

The older I get, the more I realize that, like fossil fuels, my time on this planet is not a renewable resource and this particular fossil is getting tired of people thinking that I’m perfectly willing to squander it. Everywhere I turn, I run into situations where I’m expected to cool-my-heels in contentment, while I wait on other folks whose time is, apparently, much more valuable than mine. By my calculations, my doctor gets a cool $13 a minute for her valuable time. On the other hand, all I get for investing a half-hour of mine, just to share in that $13-minute, is hot-under-the collar. No…

I had occasion to attend a local commencement exercise recently and although I felt happy for the graduates, I couldn’t help but feel pangs of jealousy. The whiner in me began thinking of how kids these days have a lot of advantages that older generations never had. Of course, I will admit to that being a good thing. After all, isn’t that the goal: to make a better life for our kids than what we experienced in our own lives? You bet. But, I’m  still jealous. Firstly, they’ve got their whole lives ahead of them while I’m left to wallow in “my winter of discontent," to borrow a word or two from…

I’ve decided to implement my own personal economic stimulus plan. Since, no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to make the proverbial “ends” come within shouting distance of one another, never mind meet, I’ve decided to borrow a fool-proof plan to solve my own personal economic meltdown. This stroke of genius, which I admit I borrowed, comes in three parts. Part One I plan to become a foreign country. I’m not sure how I’ll pull this off, but I figure that since I own a ½ acre (counting the unusable tract of overgrowth in the back yard) I have a starting point. I’ve even designed my own flag…

Dear graduates, Don’t you hate it when everyone from teachers to parents to news columnists offers their own take on how you should live your life, now that you’re heading out into the world as full-fledged graduates? Well (and this is a request), cut us some slack, won’t you? We’ve been there: done that. Not that that fact alone makes us any wiser to the ways of the world, mind you. But aging offers little in the way of perks and so we grab at every opportunity to bolster our own self-worth by sounding like we know what we’re talking about. So, indulge us, won’t you. Even if it is with a …

Pass it on. Depending on your personal circumstance, that particular phrase might well define your strategy in riding out the current economic slump. For families struggling to keep up with rising prices: at the gas pump, at the grocery store and just about everywhere else, that particular strategy is becoming all-too-familiar. It’s like a “golden oldie” revived and tailored to the new “hard times.” My father’s generation grew up living that phrase. In his day, wearing patches to cover holes in your “britches” was more necessity than fashion statement. Often, the patches far exceeded the …

Did you hear the one about the Texas elementary school that placed video cameras in the cafeteria to measure, exactly, what the kids were scoffing down at lunch time? Sounds like a joke is coming on, doesn’t it? Well, (sigh) this is no joke. The  video monitoring is real enough and though its aim is to ultimately design more nutritious fare for school children, it’s kind of creepy, don’t you think? Apparently the “candid camera” would record what foods are eaten, as opposed to that which the kids eagerly contribute to the compost heap. The data would be used in helping to design healthier, …